Sh!t Kristina Says: A Short Collection of Interesting Quotes

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!☘ To celebrate I will be seeing my favorite Irishman wrestle tonight!

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In the wise words of Uncle Jesse, have mercy.

Instead of a normal “day in the life/what’s going on with my running” post I thought I’d share some Kristinaisms aka shit Kristina says. The other day Adam said he would buy a book of my quotes so I thought I better start collecting them all in one place!

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Without further ado….

“Stop, I’ll kill you.”

This is said when Adam is tickling me and/or he’s just saying things that make me laugh until I can’t breathe.

This might be a slightly aggressive response!

“We have a gun.” (note: we don’t actually have a gun)

One time when Adam was on a work trip I came home to a dark house and something looked out of place. Assuming that a burglar was in the apartment, I grabbed Cecil and then loudly said “Who is here? I have a gun.”

I don’t actually have a gun, and I realize in hindsight this was a very stupid thing to say. If there was a burglar and he had a gun, he probably would have shot me.

I told Adam this story and now every time we come home at night to a dark apartment he opens the door and announces “We have a gun!”

“You’ll feel better if you rub my back.”

Obviously, this one is said every single night. I ask Adam, “how are you feeling?” and no matter what his response is, I say “you’ll feel better if you rub my back.”

I think it’s true.

“You’re beautiful and smart and I’m proud of you.”

I say this to Cecil every morning before I leave for work because I want him to have high self-esteem.

I know you’re thinking, “he has NO IDEA what you’re saying.” But actually, Cecil is a really confident cat, so… just sayin!

“Damn damn damn.” 

This is what I say whenever something goes wrong. It’s obviously not enough to say “damn” just once.

“I’m over it.” 

My standard response to just about everything. I’m so blasé and cool.

“It makes me sad when people are idiots. “

I say this when someone I once thought highly of turns out to be… an idiot.

“____ needs to get the F*** out of my life.” 

I curse a lot. I know it’s not a great habit, but I do it. Whenever something really annoys me I announce to the word that it needs to get the F out of my life.

Lightbulb went out? That lightbulb needs to get the F out of my life. Treadmill run is boring? That treadmill needs to get the F out of my life. Milk went sour? That milk needs to get the F out of my life.

It’s honestly a bit dramatic, but in the moment that I’m annoyed it feels appropriate!

“I don’t rush.” 

I said this to Adam one time when he was telling me to hurry up and I’ll never hear the end of it. The truth is, I hardly ever really rush because I am a planner! I like to plan ahead and do things before they need to be done so that I don’t have to rush!

Well, looking over this post it would seem that I’m a really negative person! Thank you to everyone who puts up with me on a daily basis because it looks like I’m always saying the most annoying, depressing things with the exception of Cecil who receives compliments all the time.


And there you have it, a short list of Kristinaisms!

What are some of your favorite/common sayings?!



  1. March 17, 2016 / 6:58 am

    “You’ll feel better if you rub my back”!! Haha- love this! I sometimes tell Rob that he would feel better if he rubs my feet!

  2. March 17, 2016 / 8:07 am

    Those are some good ones, I am with Lisa on the “rub my back”. Kevin may learn a thing or two from me saying something similar? lol! I always tell my kids “come here so i can high five your face” They laugh at it now and say it all the time too. I wouldn’t actually hurt them but those darn teenage/preteen boys…they just act like idiots sometimes! haha!

  3. March 17, 2016 / 8:29 am

    LOL thank you for this hilarious post! I laughed out loud a couple times! The gun quote is awesome and your daily affirmations to Cecil are priceless. I often tell Christmas and Jelly they are very special boys and I love them so much. I think they know. 🙂

    Paul and I say “Quit your cryin'” when one of us is complaining. We also say it to Chrissy when he is whining for food. We tell each other to “hush hush” sometimes which is sooooooooo passive aggressive that it’s funny.

    We mostly make up songs. I have two “time for bed” songs that I sing when I’m going to bed so Paul knows what’s up. They are hilarious but I feel like no one will ever hear them but us!

  4. March 17, 2016 / 8:52 am

    Too funny! Love the list. I’m sure I have sayings, but I can’t think of any right now! I know I have them because I hear my kids repeating them and using them on their own. And then I cringe thinking that I was the one who started that saying!!!! Luckily they are all G rated 🙂

  5. March 17, 2016 / 5:45 pm

    Aw, you give Cecil so much confidence! He’s probably thinking, “Damn right I am, mom!”

    I say “I read an article recently…” at least 4 times a day. Also, “Why are we talking?” and “I’ll wait” (directed at my students, usually sarcastically).

    Also “STFUUUUUUU” but only in my head, every day.

  6. March 18, 2016 / 11:29 am

    Ha! you are funny!
    I love that Cecil gets all the love.
    My saying is at the gym when people get too close to me. “Can’t they see my box” I need my space lol

  7. March 18, 2016 / 2:47 pm

    Haha this is great. I have a bunch of schlubisms and honestly everyone around me takes my comments and phrases and plays them out so bad lol.

    I’m just too cool I guess ?

  8. March 19, 2016 / 4:56 pm

    Oh my goodness this post was hilarious! I love the gun “! I think I might start saying that LOL. I always tell Lola that I love her and to have a great day when I leave her for work.