Turning 31 + Reflecting on Mental Health
Happy Friday! Today is my 31st birthday. I can’t believe I’ve been on this planet for 31 years. Every year I feel like I get more comfortable with who I am and better understand what I want out of my life.
There are many times when I think “I wish I could do my 20s over.” I spent so much time in my early 20s in the depths of my eating disorders, and then I spent a good portion of my late 20s learning to recover from my eating disorders. I’m definitely not going to waste my 30s.
Just within the last year I’ve started to really be able to see what I want to get out of all areas of my life and I’m taking steps to get there. I bought a house, I took Cecil on vacation and I asked for the things that would make me happier at work.
(Okay it sounds silly to put “took Cecil on vacation” up there but honestly I’ve wanted him to experience a vacation for so many years, hah!)
There are many other steps for me to take in the near and distance future, but life is a journey and it’s enough right now to feel like I’m making progress towards bigger goals. I just don’t want to be writing a post when I turn 41 talking about missed opportunities in my 30s.
Yesterday was a nice last day of year number 30. I worked from home and got to spend the day with Cecil. He will be celebrating his 10th birthday this month!
While it seems crazy that I am going to be turning 31 today, it also seems crazy that Cecil will be turning 10 in just a couple of weeks.
On August 14, 2007 I had one of the worst days of my life when I had to say goodbye to my first cat, Leo. Little did I know Cecil was about to be born. I’m so grateful to have this little cat. He’s been with me through most of my ED recovery, and it seems silly but having a pet can help with things like that. Some days it’s just nice to find comfort from someone who won’t judge you or ask questions.
I honestly wouldn’t have made it through the last 10 years without Adam and Cecil.
I feel like I always get reflective about my ED history around my birthday mostly because I’m just grateful to have made it to another birthday. There were times where I experienced depression and had suicidal thoughts. Never so bad that I would have taken action on them, but I definitely had them and felt overwhelmed by them.
I don’t often talk about this because it makes me uncomfortable but I do think it’s important. I’m not sure if this is exactly true, but I think most people think I’m a well adjusted person who has her shit together. I feel like that is who I am today, but it took a lot of professional help to get there.
I know there’s still a stigma around mental health and receiving professional help. I’m hopeful that the more people talk about it the less that stigma will exist. I know I can’t change that alone, but maybe by talking about it every once in a while here on this blog I can help one other person feel more comfortable and less alone.
Personally speaking, I know reading blogs has helped me a lot. I used to feel like the only person I knew who had to see a psychologist and that’s such an isolating feeling. Finding other people online like me has made me feel 110% more comfortable.
I also honestly would not have made it through my 20s without finding running. That’s why I will never give this sport up. Running, for me, is about SO much more than just fitness. It’s helped me build confidence, feel comfortable in my body and learn more about who I am. Those long runs are great for thinking :).
Running makes me feel so in tune with my body.
I miss our sport a lot and I can’t wait to get back to it. I want to run more marathons, ultramarathons, ragnars, and so many other things I haven’t done yet. Having to take a break from running has renewed my passion for the sport.
I’m excited that next Wedesday I finally get to have my compartment syndrome test. I’m hopeful that progress with my injury will start moving quickly again once I have the test results. I want to schedule surgery as soon as possible.
I’m looking forward to having a great year number 31 and that includes running A LOT! 🙂
Thank you SO much to everyone who left advice/tips on going dairy free. I will be reading through all the tips more thoroughly this weekend!
Any other August babies out there?