Hey there! I’ve got a weight loss update to share today but real quick I want to add a disclaimer. In the vlog I throw around the term “body dysmorphia” and I wish I could take it back. I should know better than to do that. In the past I been diagnosed with body dysmorphia disorder (BDD) by a psychologist and I know today that I would not meet the clinical definition.
I am not happy with various features of my body and those features can keep me from doing small things I want to do, I would not say I obsessively think about them or that the thoughts seriously impede my life.
For example, some days I pick up my camera to vlog and am frustrated by how large my face looks and how annoying my double chin is. Sometimes on those days I start to vlog and then frustratingly just delete all the footage and come up with an excuse for why I’m not posting or I just choose not to vlog at all.
Last weekend could actually be a prime example of that. I shot the intro to my vlog on Saturday about 10 times and then I just deleted all the footage and put my camera away. How I look or feel didn’t stop me from going out and enjoying my life it just stopped me from vlogging. I know this is silly and can recognize that and therefore it doesn’t impact my life in a big way.
When I was truly struggling with BDD I showered with the lights off, avoided looking in mirrors at all costs and often backed out of social events. I once even cancelled my own birthday party days before it happened even though I had invited friends from out of town who all had to cancel their arrangements.
I know I’m not anywhere near that today … and I’m so grateful for that. I often feel like I’ve been in therapy FOREVER and it’s times like this when I reflect back on how I used to feel that I can see how much progress I’ve made.
Anyway this got way deeper than just a disclaimer, didn’t it? Jeez!
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