What You Don’t See on Social or My Blog

A few weeks ago I told you I told you my motto for this year is “I am not afraid.”

IMG_5517In keeping with that theme I am going to be making some changes here on the blog that I think is for the best.

As a blogger I take A LOT of pictures of myself. More than any person should. Yet, when I looked through my archive of photos from 2016 I found less than five full body photos. Beyond that 90% of the photos of myself are taken from my “best angles” aka angles that make me look thinner than I really am.

This isn’t crazy different than the way I’ve behaved most of my life. There is one photo of me from my 21st birthday and I’m hiding my body behind a balloon because I was so uncomfortable with having my picture taken even though I only weighed 105lbs. I was sick and that part of my life is over now, thank God. What hasn’t changed is my aversion to full body photos.

This year I am going to make a much more conscious effort to share the good, the bad and the ugly. I’m going to do a lot more vlogging and more full body photos. I know I find it helpful to see people who look like me working out — which is mostly just to say women who aren’t professional lifters, professional runners or Instagram models.

I think this change will be good for me and good for the community. I definitely encourage everyone to join me in this.

ALSO…

I’m also proud to share that I have started working with a nutritionist again, and this time I am hopeful that I’ll be able to make smart nutritional changes that will help me feel my best.

I’ve worked with a nutritionist before but both times I stopped pre-maturely. Conceptually I know what healthy eating looks like so I have always felt that working with a nutritionist is a waste of time. Now I know that the support of a nutritionist is something I need to get over the hump that my history with disordered eating as created for me.

My issue is that I get scared of healthy eating. I worry that I am always one step away from going down the rabbit hole again, and that is the scariest thing in the world. I don’t want to do that. If you’ve ever been there you know how horrible, exhausting and clinically depressing it is to constantly hate yourself. On my own I’ve just been too scared to go down the path.

12745816_10208914539599498_7439176282587149078_nThe problem is you simply cannot outrun a bad diet, so it’s time to make some changes.

As daily readers know I went back to therapy last year and for the majority of the year I saw a psychologist bi-weekly. Last year really helped me deal with my disorder in a way that I had not before. I realized just because I hadn’t b/p’d in a long time didn’t mean that I was totally recovered. With help I worked through so many issues last year. I didn’t blog about it a lot because it’s just such a personal thing. Even if I talked about it more I’m not sure it would have helped anyone else.

Anyway, I feel like I made a lot of progress last year and I am feeling more comfortable in my own skin and have a clearer picture of what I want for myself this year.

I had a full blood panel done by my doctor and all of my numbers are in the healthy range, which I attribute to my commitment to working out. Now it’s time for my nutrition to fall in line with my fitness so that I can really feel the very best. This year I will not be afraid of anything.

SO BE PREPARED

Be prepared to see more photos of me lol.

There will still be photos of me working my angles. Let’s be real, we all have a tendency to do this. But there will also be more candid photos. There will be a lot less “social media kristina” and a lot more “real kristina.” I hope that’s okay.

IMG_2420

2017 is going to be a good year, I can feel it.

One of Adam’s 2017 goals is to be more involved in the blog which I am really excited about because I have asked him to be a part of it for a long time! We filmed a vlog over the weekend which I am excited to share on Wednesday.

So this year you’ll see a lot more of me and also a lot more of him. I hope that will add a new dynamic to the blog and vlogs that everyone will like. Adam is funny, smart and really good at lifting heavy things! 🙂

What’s your big Personal Growth goal for this year? 

 

27 comments

  1. Lisa @ Mile by Mile

    All of this is so great! I love how you have recognized your fears and are working to overcome them. I always wondered what it would be like to work with a nutritionist. I hope its really helpful to you! And Im excited that Adam will be on the blog more!
    Lisa @ Mile by Mile recently posted…Wind, Hills, and Lots of YogaMy Profile

    1. Kristina

      Thank you Lisa! I will write a post about what it’s like to work with a nutritionist!

  2. Susan

    Nice, Kristina! I think this is such a great goal and working with a nutritionist will be wonderful! Cool that Adam will be on the blog more–we need to know Adam. My goal for this year was to get back to yoga and in addition be more aware of all the thoughts I am having–both the good, the bad. I think I spend a lot of negative time in my head and I wanted to work on changing that this year.

    1. Kristina

      I know right? I am so glad Adam will be on the blog going forward!

      I spend too much time with useless negative thoughts too. There will be no more debating for 20 minutes if I should post a photo or not. That’s such a waste of time!!!!

  3. Kerry

    That picture always makes me smile! The three of us are laughing so hard and I can’t even remember what it was about. I like your commitment to put more full body pictures on your blog and social. We are so often unkind to our own bodies when in reality they are incredible. I mean seriously… you run and lift weights. You have a body that can do amazing things. We put expectations on our bodies that are completely unattainable. I know I do it. I look at a full body shot, or a running shot and cringe. I think we should all make a commitment to share the good and the bad. I will do that too!
    Kerry recently posted…Running, Goals, and Some UnknownsMy Profile

    1. Kristina

      Me too – I love this picture of us!

      Thanks Kerry! I love many women are starting to be more vocal about their/our bodies and how each one is totally normal!

  4. Hanna @ minimal marathoner

    You go girl! Personally I think you have nothing to fear!

    I know what you mean – while I’m comfortable with my body, I’m really not that comfortable with the way I look, which is why you almost never see selfies on my blog or Instagram. I don’t usually wear makeup so the odds of me looking selfie-ready at any given moment are slim to none. I admire my friends who are so content and comfortable with their no-makeup faces. Of course I think they all look great but me, though!

    One personal growth goal of mine this year is to be kinder to others and be better at letting things go. I’m generally a nice person but I notice that I can get very impatient with people, and I still have a tendency to hold grudges, and sometimes I can be more concerned with “being right” than with listening to the other person and acknowledging their feelings (especially in this current climate). I’m trying to be better at all of this.
    Hanna @ minimal marathoner recently posted…Thursday Running Thoughts: Change of Heart and New Training MethodsMy Profile

    1. Kristina

      Thank you Hanna! Your non-makeup face looks beautiful!

      Oh man, I should work on letting things go too, and I definitely have a problem with wanting to be right. This election cycle has shown me how important it is to listen — but it’s not easy. I’ve found that for me it’s about really trying to understand what the battle is in front of me. If someone says ‘you’re drinking the kool aid’ that’s someone that will be impossible to have a logical argument with and I need to just let go and move on. If someone actually wants to have a discussion and seems open minded that’s worth pursuing.

      I like to think there are many people with open minds out there. I used to be a pretty conservative republican, just because of where I was raised and the bubble I lived in. Once I started having more life experiences my viewpoint really opened up. I like to think I’m proof that people can change their minds when the facts are laid out.
      Kristina recently posted…Weekly Training Recap: Getting Stronger!My Profile

  5. Lisa @ TechChick Adventures

    I think this is great! I always take pictures with my running friends, and then cringe at them because I think I look bad in them. If I were on my own, I could keep taking pictures until I found one I liked. But I still post them, because it’s what I look like! Not pretty, but real. These days I’m just trying to keep up with aging, which is a cruel slippery slope for sure! Wrinkles getting deeper and my daughter being so helpful pointing them out to me (gee, thanks!!!). Despite not looking great all of the time, I feel great for maintaining my fitness. I too fall victim of bad self image and could definitely work on it! I look forward to seeing more pictures of you (and Adam!).
    Lisa @ TechChick Adventures recently posted…Training plan in action!My Profile

    1. Kristina

      I am so shocked that you cringe at your pictures! I love when you post group pics from your runs and I think you always look amazing! And you are pretty and that is real! I’m glad you feel proud of your fitness because you’re such an inspiration for working hard and attaining fitness goals!

      1. Lisa @ TechChick Adventures

        Aww, thanks! I think I look like Ms Potato Head without makeup on 🙂 That’s quite a visual, eh? 🙂 Drat my round face.
        Lisa @ TechChick Adventures recently posted…Training Tuesday 1/31/17 – GCM edition!My Profile

  6. Ana

    Good for you!

    For years I used to hate my wrist bones and my collar bones, so I used to wear long sleeves and turtle necks almost year round! getting over body insecurities is tough! Stay strong!

    I’m sure the visits to the nutritionist will help! balance it out!

    I look forward to seeing more of the whole body Kristina! <– I do not at all mean that in a pervy way
    Ana recently posted…Weekly Wrap 1.29.17My Profile

    1. Kristina

      Thanks Ana! It’s so helpful to hear from other people, of all different body types, who have struggled to know that I am not alone. When I was in the depths of my ED I often felt so ashamed and like it would be impossible to ever real out for help because I didn’t think many other people felt like I did. I think in recent years the discussion around EDs has become so much more public and that’s important!

  7. Heather [is probably running]

    “On my own I’ve just been too scared to go down the path.”

    I have often felt this exact same way. I think it is really brave that you are confronting these issues and I’m really glad that you are sharing them on your blog. My preference is to just keep the door shut on this particular part of my being and pretend it doesn’t exist. Which certainly is not healthy. Seeing you tackle your issues (for lack of a better word) is really inspiring.
    Heather [is probably running] recently posted…valleysMy Profile

    1. Kristina

      Thanks Heather! I know exactly what you mean about shutting the door. From 2011 until last year I did exactly that. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me now that I have dealt with some of the underlying issues!

  8. Megan @ Meg Go Run

    I’m glad all your blood work and numbers came back good to go. I understand what you are saying about a nutritionist will keep you accountable. And you are in that unique position where eating healthy can lead you TOWARD those bad habits. So having a nutritionist to assure you will probably calm those fears at least a little bit.

    I commend you for deciding to show more “real” Kristina! I feel like I am the most real on snapchat… I mean, you have seen me on there looking pretty haggard! But I have been getting better about posting makeup free pics on my blog.
    Megan @ Meg Go Run recently posted…MGR’s Weekend Wrap Up!My Profile

    1. Kristina

      Thanks Megan! Your realness on SnapChat has made me feel more comfortable to be real on SnapChat. I feel like I send you some snaps where I am looking really unattractive and I hope the vision of me doesn’t burn your eyeballs too badly!

      1. Megan @ Meg Go Run

        Shut up!!!! I think it just means we don’t feel like we need to put on a facade for each other. I mean, yes, if I have make up on and “real” clothes, I know I can look okay. But when I am sending snaps I am usually in my pjs… not gonna go worrying about what I look like then!
        Megan @ Meg Go Run recently posted…I’m trying to decide whether I should run tomorrow!My Profile

  9. Nathaly Abrahan

    Hi Kristina! I’m happy for you and your new personal growth goals. Self love is so important! Definitely something we have to constantly keep working on. Sometimes we focus so much on the way we look, or other life expectations and we forget what’s really important –> the fact that we exist and we’re alive!

    My personal growth goals for this year is to always be grateful for the good things instead of focusing myself of what I think my life is lacking. Also, to stay productive and to continue my journey on intuitive eating (I used to be obsessed with counting macros).
    Nathaly Abrahan recently posted…Training Plan Update & Week #1 Recap.My Profile

    1. Kristina

      Thank you Nathaly! I want to get to the point where I can work on intuitive eating too! I feel like first I need to get my intuition in check! haha

  10. Bae

    Awesome post Kristina! We love you from all angles girl. So happy for you and how proactive you are in keeping yourself on a healthy path. I’ve never been there before but I know you must be helping so many others. Xo

    1. Kristina

      Thank you so much! xo

  11. Schlub

    This post was so refreshing. Trust me when I say this, guys, girls, athletic, non athletic….we all have our safety nets. You are a great example of letting go of those safety nets and living for you. All the people that truly care about us, do so because of the person we are within and will always care for us. Really enjoyed this post.

    BTW…can’t wait for my man Adam to show up on Wed lol
    Schlub recently posted…Come Along for a RunMy Profile

    1. Kristina

      Thanks Richard! Safety net is a great way to put it. I am exciting to be taking more chances this year.

  12. cheryl

    Kristina, you are beautiful inside and out!
    I have struggled with the picture thing my whole life (I have always disliked my freckles…). I don’t know that I have ever taken a picture I have liked. One thing I have noticed though. What I notice about a person is their smile, confidence, and kindness.
    Love the blog!
    cheryl recently posted…A different kind of workoutMy Profile

  13. Ali @ Hit the Ground Running

    Oh girl, I LOVE this. I think you are so strong and beautiful, and I am really excited to see more REAL Kristina on your blog and Insta!!
    Ali @ Hit the Ground Running recently posted…I’m Getting Excited!My Profile

    1. Ali @ Hit the Ground Running

      PS, I feel the same about healthy eating. I always am scared I’m going to lose my control if I try to monitor my eating, especially because my willpower goes toward eating gluten free, you know? So it’s hard to monitor MORE than that.

      But, I think you’re in a great, healthy mindset now, and I think you’ll know if things are going south. I think this is going to be a great journey for you!
      Ali @ Hit the Ground Running recently posted…I’m Getting Excited!My Profile

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